08/02/2014 - Parenting

Have you been to a soft drink vending machine lately?  Can you remember what happens when you put the money in and push the drink selections button...you get a drink right? What do you do if you put your money in and push the drink selection button and the drink doesn't come out?  Did you kick it, whack it, rock it or swear at it?

What I'm getting at is, you had some sort of a reaction, because what normally happens didn't happen and you didn't like the result.

The same thing happens when we start to consistently parent and fail to waiver from our plan with our children.  That process means that, we don't give into the whinging and whining as they try to turn your "no" into a "yes", as they try to make you pay with statements like "you don't love me anymore", "I hate you", "I'm running away" and "you just want me to be miserable".

When you hear these statements, get excited!!  This means that your child has realised, just like the vending machine, what normally happens isn't happening.  You have just set a new status quo.

Think of it this way - you are not being the bad parent.  You are just responding, with an appropriate behavioural modification technique, to a poor choice or a behaviour that you wish your child would cease.  Now, you have been here before a thousand times, but the difference with this time is that when you experience their reactiveness you are going to see it as a positive and not the start of a wearing down process that you will finally succumb to and reward your child for their persistence or tirade of abuse simply because they did not get their own way.

Can you imagine being pulled over by the police for speeding, when they ask you for your licence you start to complain and become abusive, do you think they will relent and let you go on speeding, NO.  If you don't pay the ticket, another ticket comes but this ticket is more expensive than the initial ticket, if you don't pay that ticket, you are summoned to court, if you don't appear in court or fail to pay the fine, you go to jail, that is the life we live as adults.

Society has a structure that must be followed, if it isn't the pressure to comply becomes greater, but every step of the way we have the ability to choose to comply.  The way we raise our kids could be the same, after all, part of our role as a parent is to prepare our kids for life on their own as a socially acceptable human being. Rules are in place for so that groups of people can live harmoniously together!

So how long do you have to "weather the storm"?  The more committed and consistent you are, the shorter the period of time you will have to experience your child doing the same thing you did when you were a kid.  Believe me, an investment of up to 3-6 months compared to years of feeling powerless and watching your children do what they want is a small effort to consider.