26/01/14 - Communication

In the last hint, you may remember that we talked about the C word - Communication.

It may be handy for you to know, at this time, that men and women speak different languages.  Did you also know that we have different word "budgets" for the day?  That men work from a practical state and women work from an emotional state?

Communication styles between the sexes are very different which doesn't seem right, when it is one of the most important aspects of a good relationship.  Have you noticed that your same sex friends understand exactly what you are saying and your partner stands there bewildered and not sure at all what your words mean, what they're supposed to do and sometimes when they respond that is the start of the inevitable disagreement?

It is if we are speaking completely different languages, which, in fact we are.  One of you speaks fluent female and the other speaks fluent male. 

Sometimes the history, relevant to the topic of discussion, is remembered with bad feelings and if there is a language barrier, the history can interfere with this new attempt to communicate and, well, here we go again........arguing.

What about our environment - if we are trying to have a serious discussion while the football is on or a show with Brad Pitt in it ... the conversation could be competing with the distractions and sometimes an argument ensues.  Basically there are a few triggers that will occur every time you and your partner have an argument, so try to look out for them.  Once you are aware of them, you can be aware of them next time and reduce their impact and eventually avoid them.

Communication is something we take for granted, but the lack of effective communication can be devastating.  Emotional reactivity is very hard to stop in the heat of the moment, but if you are both mindful of its ability to confuse, twist and erase the issue at hand, you will be able to communicate far more effectively.  You both have a choice.  Set some rules and practice talking and listening, I mean really listening, truly understanding each other's point of view, be patient with each other and work as a team to look after both each other's self-esteem and feelings when discussing "touchy" subjects.