19/01/2014 - Arguments

Arguments in relationships.  We all do it, and believe it or not, its important that you do experience arguments in your relationship, but how you argue and the frequency of arguments might not be so good.  Here is a generalised point of view.

In arguments we are wired to think that there must be a winner and a loser.  What does it feel like to lose an argument? Some people focus on, after the argument, in making their partner feel just as bad, in turn both feel bad and really has anyone won?

In a hetero relationship we seem to forget we are completely different when it comes to the way we think, analyse and reason.  We also seem to forget that when we start an argument we feel righteous and have a strong need to assert our point of view, then we lose sight of the argument and just focus on the win. then whether we win or not, after the dust settles we quietly ask, why did I do that?  We then go about mending the damage, apologising and being more open to your partner's points of view.

This process happens regularly, why?  Why not skip the horrible bits and go from different point of view to an understanding, a strength and moving on?

If you start an argument using your best "assets", your ears and a mindset that throughout and in the end we both want to be happy; then in the end you both will be "right", both feel understood and respected.  This process also encourages communication about those hard to deal with issues.

Remember arguments are inevitable, the way you argue is not, you can both make a conscious decision to get to the other side without the hurt and disrespect.

Try it!